Procrastination Fungus

Procrastination works like an ever growing fungus in my life.

Procrastination almost got me again. As I was blessed with promotions in my recent census job I failed to send in my application to She Speaks Speaking & Writing Conference. I devoted most of my time to the urgent needs of my job.

Get this: I was working my census job partially to make the money for this great conference. When I went to their website I discovered they were sold out. I signed up for the waiting list, but I didn't have great hope for a place opening up. How many times do I have to go down this road: Tending to the urgent; and overlooking the important matters?

BUT yesterday the email arrived telling me a cancellation had opened a spot for me. My immediate reaction was Yahoo!! Yippee! Then reality rushed in and I realized my procrastination had worked a number on me again. I have several writing projects partially completed. I have 6 weeks to finish these to be in place for the conference. I've come a long way in slaying this internal dragon: Procrastination. It's obvious to me I still have to fight to rid myself of this self sabotage.

My funniest procrastination saga is my dream to publish a procrastination blog that will offer wisdom and helps for other strugglers. I've had this dream in my heart for over a year. Perfectionism has joined forces with procrastination to entangle my dreams. Best I can figure it will take a sharp machete to cut the vine jungle down to free myself to take action.

This blog was one the fruits of my first She Speaks Conference last year. Women from all over the nation and a few other countries come together to earnestly pursue the dreams and visions God has placed in their hearts. The passionate love of the Lord teamed with a fervent willingness to work set this conference apart from many others I have attended.

Blog posts will probably shorten up while I'm smoking away on this laptop to make up the time I spent digging into housecleaning and decorating. Got to go.......God bless you all.

Road Rage Ain't Saintly

Yesterday I 'fessed up to my fleshly unsanctified attitude with line breakers in waiting lines. May I say it bugs me the most in conference or church settings. Last night I discussed this with a friend over dinner. She didn't give me one ounce of mercy. Oh, no...my dear friend pointed out how upset I got driving on our recent trip to a large city.


Oh, my she's right. Not only do I need to confess and repent of bad attitude anger in waiting lines, but now I've got to look at the real me in some traffic situations. I know you blog readers will understand:


We were lost. My Tom Tom gps was "running his know it all mouth," the red light turned to green, and we took one little moment to think and "toot!!! toot!!!" blared the horn behind me. I quickly made a left ...well, I was in the left turn lane. Then the car rode my bumper for two whole blocks laughing at me. You guessed it! Mild mannered Kay turned into nose pumping smoke red faced non-cussing hothead. I got in the far right lane as soon as possible and let the impatient rude impertinent road hog menace get by me. Ain't it wonderful to see how well I have processed all of this? Anyway I then got behind this car. I wanted to repay like with like, but then something...probably Merciful Gracious Holy Spirit...got my better self in line. My friend laughed and laughed and still laughs about Saint Kay behind the wheel in downtown traffic.


Well with my halo slipping off my head I ask "Is God still working on any of you being 'ticked off at the little things'?"


I hear a soft whisper in my thoughts, "little foxes." In Song of Solomon 2:15 God speaks, "Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom."

I am a crisis queen: give me a full blown crisis and I will amaze you. But in the everyday hum drum I don't always walk in ways that emulate Christ. Marion Bond West Acuff, Guidepost writer and friend, once told me that she and I reigned so well in crisis we probably create one just to wear the crown. Oops... I think I'm past that drama need, but I do see I have much to learn in "being angry" on what warrants it from God's perspective and walking it out in honesty and maturity for the good of all involved.

Today I'm processing all those little foxes placed in my life to steal my blessings and fruit of the Spirit. My dryer broke last week and my disposal is frozen but that's o.k. I won't act like it hasn't happened, but it will get the attention it warrants...no more.

It's summertime down here in Carolina. I ran across this poem that speaks of little irritants in the summer.

The chigger is no bigger
Than the end of a small pin;
But the itch that he raises
Simply amazes.

Don't sweat the small stuff!!!

Silly Stuff That Ticks Me Off

I get ticked off when someone sneaks in ahead of me in a waiting line. I don't mean slightly irritated; I mean smoking mad! If people could see past my pleasant smile mask ;they would see smoke pumping out my nose, and a firey mouth spewing out flaming words of disgust and fury. A little over the top? Oh yeah...but in my mind you stole my time when you decided to "slide" in ahead of me.

What's up? Kay, I thought you were the loving Christian who writes on strong gentleness; surrendered to Jesus as Lord; and loving your enermies. Yes, that's me. But in this process of growing in Christ; that part of old me still has to be harnessed. I've been writing on anger for a few weeks and I pondered yesterday on ordinary situations that tick me off. Line breaking hit my number one spot on stupid stuff that tempts me sorely.

God's command: be angry, but sin not; calls me to examine my anger. As I look at my foolishness I'm asking why this bugs me so much. I'm the first one to always insist that people in the grocery line to go ahead of me if I have a full shopping cart. I love being generous and gracious in driving or shopping situations to wave people on ahead. Why would I have to suppress all kinds of poor behavior when somene in lines jump ahead of me?

Looking back on my childhood I may have a clue for this irrational anger. I changed schools 8 times in 12 years; and usually those where extreme crisis situations. Somehow I sense that this irritation stems back to school days and my low status of being the "new" kid in class. Seems I recall loving the teachers that would not tolerate line breakers. As I write this I'm smiling at the absurdity of caring if someone goes ahead of me if I'm in no time crunch. Perhaps this self examination is a piece of "be angry, but sin not."

Most irrational behaviors or mind traps have a root in our childhood (so the behavior experts say). Dare you share your recurring ticked off stuff? Remembering I'm gathering data for a book.

What ticks you off?

God's Commands: 1: Fear Not 2: Be Angry

Anger musings continue...

As I'm thinking and praying about anger and being whole in Christ I suddenly find myself thinking on what the Bible shows us God commands us to do; and what He clearly warns us not to do:

Be angry, but do not sin.

Fear not.

I've read that there are 365 instances of God telling us His people "Fear Not."

I'm encouraged that He says this over and over; I can't be the only one that deals with fear in some way or another 365 days in the year.

I bring up fear because I'm convinced that anger and fear occur together when we become "unglued." Self control of anger is tied to faith and trust in God to replace our fears.

Most Christians I know are never ashamed of their fears, but they deny any anger and would prefer for no one to know they've ever been angry.

Help me out ... have we flipped His design for us?

Avoid Conflict At All Costs

My mom and my husband were two of the most important people in my life. They were both dear wonderful people, but they hated conflict. They actually feared conflict. I sense I may refuse to deal with anger in healthy ways because I lived my life trying to accommodate my mom or my husband.

You blog readers have been terrific lately in responding to my anger prompts. Please don't let me down now.

What do you think about this...anger gets masked, ignored or stuffed trying to avoid conflict. Then in the "dark" it grows like a fungus.

Yes, I'm Angry, Mad, Ticked Off...And Still I'm A True Christian!

Your blog comments on anger have triggered many thoughts in me. Recently I've queried several folks on their thoughts on how to handle anger. These conversations along with your comments show me American Christian women may be the largest group struggling with repressed or misappropriated anger.

Yesterday David from Red Letter Believers said...
I have a person in my life who I recognize anger in, but she says she isn't angry, she's "not happy" or "disappointed in me" or "discouraged by my actions."Anger is anger and appreciate you calling it what it is!

A few weeks ago I fired up with anger that actually frightened me. I shared my experience in: Be Angry but Sin Not!!!

The drawing to further explore this comes from the positive benefits I have personally received by facing my anger; not dodging it; not rationalizing it and processing it in meditation with God. I am reading good Christian books to uncover what God means in commanding us to BE ANGRY, but sin not.

I read that scripture all my life this way:

Be angry, BUT SIN NOT.

For me the main thing was to do whatever I could in my own power to be sure unequivocally, that under no circumstances, in any instance, with anyone, that I absolutely did not sin with my anger....and oh, yeah, be sure before I went to bed or before the sun came up ... I did NOT go to bed or sleep still angry!

As my faith grows that God is who He says He is in the Bible, I find I am willing to dare to be honest and true with little ole me. Instead of sugar coating what's going on in me; I dare to look at it head on. In Christ, I am willing to admit "I'm angry."

God's mercy and compassion have become clear to me in the last year. If I had one thing I would hope to convey to any of you reading this today it would be: You cannot measure how great is His love and understanding of your honest pursuit of pleasing Him no matter what breaks, blows up or flips upside down. Perfection isn't His command. Receive His love and love Him back and trust Him in all things.... this makes for the most glorious life.

Anger...God placed anger in His original plan for men and women. I'm praying, listening and learning what His design for anger is; and how we can comply with our original Manufacturer's intent!!!

Saint, What Do You Do With Your Anger?

"I'm not angry, I'm hurt," a young woman confides to me.

"What if hurt is anger turned inward?" I ask her.

Shock fills her face; and a flash of "maybe" shows in her eyes as I share, "Unmet needs are usually felt in hurt, offense, or anger. Let's look at your unmet needs. We will pray for God to show us reality: true need as opposed to wants or perceived needs."

I know this "place" myself and I've ministered to many folks with ruptured relationship problems. I've begun to research misused anger and poor physical and emotional health. I am feeling a strong drawing to write about anger and Christians. Recently I think I "got it."

Ephesians 4:26 (NKJV) "Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath,

I've been afraid to dare to truly own my anger most of my life. I rationalized away true anger and came up with comfortable emotions for a Bible-believing-baptized-church member-leader. In this complex dodge of my true feelings I've overeaten, needlessly shopped, developed depression with repressed anger and missed what God intended totally.

I've decided to explore how we can please Father God honestly when anger erupts in our emotions. You blog readers are my first line of investigation of viewpoints and experiences on obeying God "to be angry" and not sinning. The greek word for "sin" is to miss the mark. Could we be missing the mark in our denial of the God given emotion of anger?

I'll start this sharing with why I may have been afraid to "be angry." In my early childhood home my dad was a violent alcoholic. Finally this spiraled into destroying our home. My mom had emotional breakdowns. She was left emotionally crippled and at home she had a short fuse when it was just the two of us at home. I have feared emulating either one of them and going "postal" with no control...."just give me another piece of cake," or "I'll take a nap," or "I need to shop a while." I think I've sinned trying not to be angry.

I'm writing a book on BE Angry....I truly need your viewpoint. Speak up, please.

Talk to me about your anger.........or your avoidance of your anger.