Monday, July 14, 2008

Misunderstood Again

The good life for Christians can be determined by the health of their personal relationship with God. When I am living in Christ and see all of life through Him, I have peace and joy. The mysteries of life that I cannot understand drive me to trust and believe that God will be my strength when I'm at my end.

My peace and joy were interrupted this week. Offense, betrayal, and hurt filled my emotions to disturb my relationship with God. During a leadership planning session several of us leaders had to choose key people for a project. In discussion we did not have consensus on one person to fill a slot. To clarify the reasons for not choosing her I gave instances of inconsistency in her performances in the past. One person was a personal friend of hers and kept insisting on her as a choice. The committee agreed to choose another candidate instead. I assumed everyone realized any comments were spoken in confidence.

Shortly after the meeting word comes back to me that a committee member (friend of rejected candidate) shared (with embellishment) my words against this person's performances. What do you do when people betray your confidence? I dont' know about you, but I am still sensitive enough to hurt badly.

The Bible gives us evidence that this will occur over and over. My own experience has confirmed that these scenarios will play more often than I want to admit. But, oh, how I hurt.

What to do with this pain? First I have to examine the playback with honesty to see where I erred. Oh, Did I exaggerate negative factors in this particular person? Did I clarify that comments in this meeting were not to be shared with anyone else? What could have been a better way to show this person unqualified without the words coming at them second-hand that have generated so much pain? How do I work in leadership meetings seeking excellence and getting the best candidates for ministry without causing unnecessary hurt to those not selected?

Of course I took this to Father God in prayer. For an entire day I ached with this hurt. When I could not seem to get my peace of mind back I prayed again. The thoughts that came to me were: "Why did I pick the problem up after prayer? Why didn't I determine to think on other things and trust the whole thing to God?

These are some of the senseless thoughts that I would recycle over and over in my mind:

Why would this person want to tell someone something so hurtful?

What possible good did he see coming out of stirring up these hurt feelings?

Does he want to hurt me? Why? What possible good does he see by showing me in this light and at the same time hurting this person with these negative observations?

Oh, the list could fill pages. God has grown me up enough that I don't crawl up in the fetal position for weeks on these hurts and misunderstandings. But I desire to be so close to God that when someone praises me I don't get that excited and when I'm doing my best and they don't like me or what I'm doing I trust God to handle it. No, I'm still getting in a stew. I want to be so In Christ that I can stay in peace and love with all men at all times.

I'm getting better at shortening the time of these hand wringing sessions. The Scriptures show me I am to live with peace and joy. When misunderstandings occur I have clear instruction:

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.

Do not be wise in your own opinion.

Repay no evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men.

If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.

This wisdom is from the book of Romans in the 12th chapter, verses 14,16, 18.

Hurt, misunderstanding, and trouble are promised to all. The question is my trust in God; while I deal honestly with whatever is my responsibility. I am called to trust Him matter what.

I am called to let go of my hurts and feelings of being betrayed. How can I do that? Oh, when I think of all He bore in betrayal, hurt, misunderstanding and pain ....oh, yes Lord, I surrender all. I trust You and I pray Your mercy and love on all of us. I pray for Your goodness to anyone I perceive as not caring for my interests. I pray that You bring them and me closer to You. In You is all that is good, honorable and worthy of my attention and time and heart.

Mystery ....not understanding everything, but trusting in the Strong Gentleness and Love of Almighty God is magnificient. Thrive and live based on His goodness.


ThreeGirlyGirls said...

Oh kay, I'm so sorry this happened to you. I've felt betrayed by a good friend before. And I will be honest, it still makes my stomach sink when I think about it. I think that God sometimes allows us to experience this type of hurt to keep it in the back of our minds in the future. It's not a way we would ever treat someone, but it does keep us softer. I'm so glad to see you surrendering like this, and asking God to take all the yuck away in the situation! I will lift you up in prayer today!!

Technonana said...

Hello Kay... I am glad you visited me... though I am not where you are, I have a friend who is(widowed). I have been very afraid for her because she has been so lost since her husband died that is has been very depressed... her children finally recognized that this was the case and she is now in counseling... not too soon..
As to your post... have we not all been where you are??? Betrayal... I believe it hurts worse when it is done by someone we know and trust. My son is a youth minister and he was badly hurt by his first church... one day as I was praying for him, I said "Lord look at what they have done to my son... he is so hurt and so alone." My Father said,"Sharon, look at what they did to My Son." Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. NOT EASILY DONE!! BUT NECESSARY FOR OUR OWN SAKE!!

Kay Martin said...

Your comments, ladies, inspire me. I desire to encourage myself and others on this blog to passionately embrace life. I enjoy laughter and sense God's call to bring humor to His beloved children. But real life has pain and joy...thriving Christians must be honest and truthful in handling all that comes to them. Yes, our lives will have misunderstanding.

I honestly believe betrayals, hurts, etc. spin off from not seeing clearly the heart intent of those we interact with.

I never take for granted that anyone chooses to read this blog. The joy of writing is life giving; but the fulfillment of agreement with a reader is wonderful.

Angela @ Refresh My Soul Blog said...

Good post and points. In leadership I have experienced these hurts over and over. I am just now healing from some of them. It is nice to know I am not alone in these things.
Much love,

photo lady said...

Kay, You are coming through this so well. I know it still hurts, but look at what you have already done with this. Your writing and sharing your pain thru this has helped others already, including me. Our human selves do feel the hurt and pain and just like Jesus we perservere thru the grace of God. Be still my soul down by the bubbling waters!!! Love, Elaine

© 2008 Kay Martin

Thrive In Christ

Who I Am In Christ by Neil Anderson

For several months we will center on this book to pursue Thriving in our Christian journey.

Neil challenges us with: "Do you know who you are in God's eyes? We are no longer products of our past. We are primarily products of Christ's work on the cross. Who we are determines what we do.

You are not who you are in Christ because of the things you have done, you are in Christ because of what He has done. He died and rose again so that you and I could live in the FREEDOM of His love."

That's just the introduction. More to follow.