Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Peacemaking Isn't Instant

Peacekeeping is the effort to maintain an environment of nonconflict. It's the strained attempt to ease escalating pressure.

Peacekeeping doesn't deal with issues but only focuses on keeping peace for the moment. Last Friday I wrote on the difference in peacekeeping and peacemaking: Give Me Some Peace... Help ....Fast,

Unaddessed conflict can destroy ministry or family vitality and longevity. When we fail to address conflict in a constructive manner, it can grow into a huge barrier and hindrance to strong relationships.

Peacemaking doesn't focus on present tranquility but is directly interested in seeking resoluton to the issues that created the conflict in the first place. Conflict resolution through peacemaking often has a short-term cost but yields a tremendous long-term benefit.

In his book, The Peacemaker, Ken Sande teaches the P A U S E principle as a practical acronym for proactively approaching others to resolve conflict:

Prepare yourself for the conversation
Affirm the other person's dignity and worth
Understand the interests of the other person
Search for creative solutions
Evaluate options as objectively and reasonably as possible

Once reconciliation has taken place, Sande also suggests each partner make four promises to each other as a way to avoid rehashing the same issues in the future:
1. I will not dwell on this incident
2. I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you
3. I will not talk to others about this incident
4. I will not allow this incident to stand between us or hinder our relationship

These peacemaking principles will help us not only to resolve conflict in a biblical way but also to keep bitterness from creeping into our ministries and families...
Ken Sande, The Peacemaker 3rd ed. Grand Rapids: Baker, 2004) pp. 267-68

Remember this is the Prince of Peace Season!!! He is our model, He is the greatest peacemaker.

Do you have the courage to be a peacemaker? Or are you just going to pull the covers over your "mess" while you try to keep the peace?


Chatty Kelly said...

Is it possible to make peace with someone who is mentally ill? I don't think so. Or at least not in the case I am thinking of.

Even if I am willing not to bring up the "incident" again, if the other person continues too, my efforts are moot.

But I think these series you are doing is AWESOME and I am enjoying it very much. Learning alot too. Thank you.

sailorcross said...

Hi Kay!!

I make the effort, and my efforts are ignored--not even acknowledged. So, I continue to make the effort--still ignored.

So, I continue the best and only thing I know to do--pray.

How long do I pray--how long do pursue this?


That's how long!! Yes, it is an effort at times to pray for those who have spurned us, hurt us, ignored us, but I will continue.

And Kelly--in your comment above--I don't know what mental illness you're referring to--some don't know the difference between reality and unreality.

In the case of my ex-spouse--after living in the throes of drug addiction with him for many years, a lot of heartache, financial blows, violence and much more--I'm still praying for him. He is the father of my children, and I can do no more or no less.

The best and only thing I can do.


© 2008 Kay Martin

Thrive In Christ

Who I Am In Christ by Neil Anderson

For several months we will center on this book to pursue Thriving in our Christian journey.

Neil challenges us with: "Do you know who you are in God's eyes? We are no longer products of our past. We are primarily products of Christ's work on the cross. Who we are determines what we do.

You are not who you are in Christ because of the things you have done, you are in Christ because of what He has done. He died and rose again so that you and I could live in the FREEDOM of His love."

That's just the introduction. More to follow.