Kay's back

Bloggers Can't Stop....But Sometimes They Stall

Warp speed living is slowing down to steady run and I am back to writing this blog. I am thriving on the inside and that was the call of this blog from day one. On the outside everyone is being challenged in this "new world" of upside down finances.

Christians' know their source is God. Therefore we are called to walk in peace ... no matter what.

How's your thriving and peace walking going for you?

Overwhelmed Helps

My new management job is pushing me to the limits. I love the work and I believe in the importance of the mission. This is a one year position so I keep telling myself "You can do anything for only one year."

I am using every project management gem of wisdom I have ever learned.

Since I have little time to do anything but work I am calling on bloggers.

You are the smartest folks I know!!!

So what works for you when deadlines are overlapping and a staff looks up and asks "What's next?"

I'm all into Gantt charts, post it notes, datebooks, Outlook and anything I can work on in Excel and Access.

Champs....I can't wait.

Fussy?

Oswald Chambers' daily devotion gets me where I need "getting."

Yesterday I was all into "my" stuff in my head. As I read the day's wisdom nugget I felt the pinch of conviction. Chambers wrote that whatever initiates a believer to abandon their self efforts will eventually drive them to a time alone with God; ready to hear Him.

Chamber's word for "stuff" was fussy things. Yes, again, Chambers nailed me. Today I rest in God being all He says He is in His Word. I trust Him. My life of possible worries...fussy man-created chaos...will not steal my joy and strength.

Away with the fussy! On with what truly matters forever.

In God I trust.

Neglect Will Bite

I have neglected this blog. My laptop broke. My new job as manager in Census 2010 takes most of my time. So...I put off this blog until LATER.

Some sexy little poster littered the blog. Isn't that what happens in all kinds of places when we fall into neglect?

I'm back. Perhaps I'll only post a word...but I will not fall back into neglect. It's just too dangerous with litter so prevalent in cyberspace.

Happy New Year.........Thrive Christians, and don't fall into the valley named NEGLECT.

I Thank God I Can Hear!

Last evening after work I got a manicure. Beside me was an old friend in her early sixties. She is a vibrant smart active woman that makes the world better. But I noticed she was watching me intensely as I talked. She apologized and then showed me hearing aids in each ear. She doesn't know if she has 1 or 5 years of limited hearing before she is deaf. She uses every moment of hearing and seeing to fine tune her lip reading. She has sought out other deaf women to learn how best to navigate this new world she is entering.

Wow!!! Smiles on her face and hope shining through her eyes she told me how she is pursing her writing dreams. We celebrated her great love of reading. But her attitude centered me on what matters this day. She shared with me how God is showing her He is with her and He will speak to her forever...no lip-reading needed.

This day of Thanksgiving in America I have a long list of all I am thankful for, but I have decided to concentrate on the blessing of hearing. I will treasure every sound I hear: good or bad.

I can hear!!!

Power of One

Have you ever imagined the power of your smile; word of encouragement; or small monetary help to another?



My life has drastically changed since I became Quality Assurance for this 7 county Census 2010 office. Change brings immediate emotions good and bad to me. I've felt somewhat guilty because I'm not plugged into the church ministries I have become accustomed to being an active partner.



Last night I was praying and asking God if all was well with me. Suddenly I remembered the week: There was the phone call to a new hire... she needed someone to hear how much she appreciated this job. She went on to tell me how dire it had become for her. I never rushed her.

One of my friends is in a new place. Her husband is permanently disabled and they have extreme financial issues. I took some of my increased pay to buy Angel Food groceries for them each month.

Fellow workers have had different things come up and I've had the time and energy to help them out.

I know my order of priorities: God, family, church and work. I'm finding wonderful ways to stay connected with my grown children. In fact, we seem closer because I can more easily identify with their work life.

My church appreciates my increased tithe and offerings monetarily. But I am developing new connections for some of the ministries that will open doors for resources, etc.

Amazingly, I am seeing that God is using me with the little I have after work powerfully. As I looked at all of this it hit me that I have "adopted" this one family with a disabled husband. They know when the hot water heater blows I will be their bridge/patch until they can pay me back with money or services. Sometimes God directs me to bless them with surprises such as the monthly groceries. I cannot help any more families this way and survive myself, but I am loving "being there" in Christ, for this one family.

Wonder if God calls on those of us working with "enough" to adopt one family to be their backup? No medals, no speaking of it....just quietly in the name of Jesus Christ: Being There. The Power of The One in one!!!

I am called to do the works of Christ - John 14:12

Trusted and Tried

some census workers from our spring operation were called into the office today. It's been months since I had seen or talked with any of them. Decades separate us in age but oh, the experiences we share from the tough work makes us "family." One young man said, "I feel like I ought to hug you, Ms. Kay." So we did an imaginary hug several feet apart....you know all those rules about behavior etc.

The bond between us can only occur in the heat of a severe challenge or a battle. We are all looking forward to being team members again. I thought all day about the power of the trust we each have earned in the heat of it all.

I committed today to treasure that trust as I assume this new expanded responsibility among my tried and true friends and team members. Completing the mission accurately and on time is key, but simultaneously honoring this trust and faith in one another we each now have is eternally important.

Got a tried and trust story?

Wow! You bloggers rock! Listen to my dialogue...can you tell I'm getting to hang out with some young people?



Thanks for coming back. After that extended pause in posting I had resigned to bouncing back by starting all over again. I'm still short on time, but I have a reservoir of posts in my draft file that I will dispense day by day. Perhaps the connection will only be that to me they speak of living life fully and thriving! That is my mission on this blog...for you and me.



Here goes one from a year ago.... Many years ago my mentor would listen to my rant of all my “spiritual” works and my fatigue; and when I would finally pause, she would speak slowly with authority, “Kay, rest in the Lord. Rest, rest Kay.” Being a driven striver I had no idea what she was talking about. We still have chuckles remembering my fight to get to the rest of God. I literally laid down and felt only boredom. Blonde, eh?



Through her prayers and much Bible mining I live in the rest of God. I seek to live and abide in that beautiful rest every moment of my life.

In Hebrews 4:1-3 Paul helped me with these words, “Let us therefore fear, lest a promise being left us of entering into His rest, any of you should seem to come short of it. For unto us was the gospel preached as well as unto them: but the word preached did not profit them, not being mixed with faith in them that heard it. For we which have believed do enter into rest.”



In Strong’s concordance this Greek word for rest is katapausis (Strong’s G2663): Putting to rest; calming of the winds. A resting place; metaphor: the heavenly blessedness in which God dwells, and of which He has promised to make preserving believers in which God dwells, and of which He has promised to make preserving believers in Christ partakers after the toils and trials of life on earth are ended.



Since that struggle with my mentor over resting in the Lord I have faced much greater issues, but I have not struggled and suffered as I did before I had this revelation of living in rest. "My soul finds rest in God alone"



Psalm 62:1. Rest in this verse is the Hebrew word - damiy -- quietness. Charles Spurgeon said this about this verse "The presence of God alone could awe his heart into quietude, submission, rest and acquiescence.”



After years of seeking with a passionate struggle I finally collapsed from self effort, looking to other people and trying to earn my right to the “rest and peace of God.” Finally I realized that my main problem was unbelief... Verse 19: "They were not able to enter [God's rest] because of unbelief."



Until I faced that I believed in my problems more than I believed in the power of God and that He was on my side, I had no rest. Now I fear unbelief more than I fear my problems or other people. My question now is, “Is God able?” If I believe He is in all things I am in His rest.



I live everyday diligently placing my mind on the awesome God I surrender all to. It is my intention to see every problem and challenge through my knowledge of God in my life, God in the Bible and God working in others’ lives. I work at remembering His promises instead of dwelling on the calamity of the day shouted through the media.



This does not come to me automatically. I come to my day with healthy fear of God and diligently trust Him anew in all things. That great sermon of Stephen as the “stoners” were warming up said, "the Most High does not dwell in houses made with hands" (Acts 7:48), and quoted God's statement from Isaiah 66:1: "'Heaven is My throne, and earth is the footstool of My feet; What kind of house will you build for Me?' says the Lord; 'Or what place is there for My rest (Greek katapauseos)?'" (Acts 7:49).



Those of us are in the "household" that Jesus Christ has built (3:6), in the church of the living God, in Christian people. Having "Christ in us, the hope of glory" (Col. 1:27). I see this individually and corporately.l Years ago I was so conflicted with church religious performance and the inner "rest" of relying on God's grace. Through the love of God, and my mentor; God led me to Himself. I accomplish more these day and my work is my delight (most days it doesn’t feel like work). Oh could we all comprehend Paul….” "the better rest of God" and cease from their "works" as God has rested from His works in Hebrews 4:10. Jesus Christ is enough.




Rest in the Lord Always

Kay's back at the keyboard

Blogging friends, I have missed you. Life filled up for me and I truly had no time or strength to write a post. On the last post I shared with you that someone in my family was ill.

The good news is that the doctor got the tests back and was relieved his fears were not confirmed by the tests. A slight nutrition changes is all that's needed. Whee! Thank you for your prayers.

Then my new management job Assistant Manager for Quality Assurance cranked up and I have been in intense training out of town continually for weeks. I love this work in management with census and I have an extremely important job overseeing several hundred workers in 7 counties. I know there is no way I could be selected for the job with so many people needing work unless God's favor had been working in my life. I am focused to give this position all that it needs for me to do my job well.

I could have written a post on Thursday or Friday, but procrastination raised his head. As I write today I wonder why, but then it hits me. After so much time away I wanted to wow you and me. Ain't it just awful how that ole' performance monster comes in and messes with us?

Vanilla, plain and no drama.......but life is good. I've never needed my Lord more and appreciated Him and all who live with Him as Lord of their lives. Thriving as His daughter is still my passion. As I live this life I want to live it wide open in Christ. I have some challenges facing me in a few weeks with this assignment with the census that will only be accomplished as I lean into Him. May you begin this week with me: Knowing He is Enough...no matter what!!!

My Prayer is Moans & Groans; But Hears Me

A dear loved one received bad news from the doctor this week. Six huge vials of blood were drawn to be sure no horrific diseases are working in this person. For many I am viewed as the mighty never fail prayer warrior. After all we've been through in the last few years all I can do was moan. Thankfully the Bible tells me the Holy Spirit interprets my moans and groans and sends word to Heavenly Father God.

But I wantto pray....I've tried to pray. Finally I phoned a mighty man and woman of God who have been there for me for decades. These pastors are well known and I will not divulge their names, but we have prayed for one another and God has always been faithful.

When I heard his voice; I calmed down. When she came on the phone I felt we were in a group hug. Heaven came down and the one thought that had remained in my mind was what he spoke what He was believing God in doing in this matter. Whew!!

He will phone this person wrestling with the what-if's until we hear on Tuesday. Since my husband was a great physician we feel his loss the most when one of us is ill. He would spend whatever time needed talking us through all the possibilities, etc until we were calm. Now we're just patients and the great doctors give us reasonable time; not daddy/hubby doc time.

I sit here in peace today. With this couple on board all in my family are back at work. All of us are concerned, but not overwrought.

BE THERE for one another is so key to thriving christian living. I've been there for this couple and now they are there for me. Knitted together through the years we have a seamless relationship with prompt loving responses. Plural is a key word in thriving Christan living. It is tempting to pursue God as a solo might warrior, but it can't work. These times come in every one's lives. Tight loving relationships are God's plan and I believe they are what He uses to bless and protect us.

Locally I have a group who work in ministry with me. They are all praying and many others connected to my family. I feel like a Verizon commercial with one huge Heavenly component: through Jesus Christ all of Heaven is backing up this miracle.

I'll moan and groan with all that is in me. I'm just the backup singer to the main ones calling up to God and thanking Him for what He has already done!!! Wholeness, healing, and manifestation of His Glory is going on in this hurting place.

Starting is Easy...

Starting is Easy Finishing is hard.

I have this saying hanging over my desk. In my kitchen redo this could be my motto. Hoping all would be completed this week I began to get ready to enjoy my new kitchen. But the counter top man didn't complete his work and now everyone has to wait on him.

Finishing becomes harder when anyone on the team fails to deliver their part on time. I hope I hold the disgusted looks on the plumber, carpenters and appliance workers as we discovered the promised counter tops were not ready. Why do I want to hold onto those looks? If possible I never want to be the one who holds up the rest of team from completing tasks on time.

Finishing is hard, but it will come sooner and easier if we all work to best performance, on time.

Tiny Things Matter to Greatness

I'm tiling a bathroom floor and cutting tiny pieces to finish the design is critical to the overall look and use of the floor. As I tediously measure and cut I remind myself that sometimes I see myself as a tiny insignificant part of society, church and life. In American culture age is not an asset. I never want to be anything but American but I do look at Oriental cultures are turn a bit green. My white hair and wrinkles speak to the Orientals as wise and experienced. If I pay attention to the media I'd feel utterly over the hill.

But I as I carefully cut these last pieces I will treasure those times that I may only have a little to give in tithe in the offering plate. Perhaps my strength is limited in some offerings for jobs coming up in ministry. I don't exude youth and vitality in my appearance. But I matter as does every single person.

The tiling of this floor is getting to be more fun now that I identify with the tiny finishing pieces!!!

I have so much sweat and time in this bathroom I'm threatening to make it a toll only use bathroom!!!

Do You Know What You Want?

"She's easy to get along with," one of the electricians said to his buddy when I answered a question this morning in the kitchen redo.

"Oh, yeah because she knows what she wants. She's got a plan in writing that she is working from and she has already explored the possibilities before we arrived. Oh, if all our clients would do this for us and themselves," he declared.

He's right, on this kitchen, I've done my homework. I have a written sketched plan and when asked a question I'm quick to tell you what I want. But in other areas of my life I need to:

• Do my homework
• Explore with God my possibilities
• As the Bible exhorts me: Write the vision and make it plain...Habakkuk 2:2
• Destiny, ministry, life work and life investment....I need to know who I am, what I want and what I hear God wants

Good friend, do you know what you want?

Have you done your homework and put your vision in writing?

Can You Dance?

In the middle of my total kitchen renovation I'm finding I can still "dance." 'Every day the carpenters, plumbers, electricians, and others throw me a new surprise. This old house built in the sixties has a surprise at many turns.

Thank God, I can still "dance" and I'm not undone when the plan doesn't work. A few times I've tripped over my own feet, but I remove myself and take a breath and lift a prayer. I come back to the chaos and together the pros and I work out a new plan.

It hit me this morning that I need to hold onto this "dance" beyond my kitchen redo. Life in USA in 2009 is most unpredictable. I need to dance when the flu spreads and DHEC directs some changes in community life. FDIC is running out of money and there may be some bank "holidays" coming up to accommodate all bank closings. October 1st I start my new management job with 2010 and I need to be sure I'm wearing my "dancing shoes."

In the blog world it's not all about me. I throw the question to you: Can you dance?

Watch it! Do You Know Who You're Talking To?

Do you think much about your conversations with your self?

This morning I was reading my daily devotion from Rabbi Pliskin and I was impacted by these words:

Speak To Yourself Serenely

You are the person with whom you talk to most often. To become a serene person, consistently talk to yourself serenely.

Become aware of the tone of your voice when you speak to yourself. This often is so automatic that many people never consider it an issue. But it can be a major factor in whether or not you are usually serene.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book, Serenity, p.37)

I am careful with my words to "me" and what I say out loud about me and mine. This was not always the case. But a few years ago I heard a message that changed my life. It seems our own voice may have more power over us than any other voice. Think about it. You've been hearing your voice all your life. Your brain picks up on the familiarity of your voice. When I truly want to recall a new teaching I read the material aloud to get it etched on my mind. That one exercise should direct me to only speak over me and mine what I hope will occur.

Not even in jest do I ever speak what I would not want in me and my loved ones.

What do you say?

Can I Handle Blessings?

The last twelve years have been challenging. If you're new to wholehearted Christianity let me interpret that phrase for you: Life Has been Hard!!! There were times I wasn't sure I'd make it, but God showed up at every turn just in time. How bad was it Kay? Well some things are personal but let me take all the air out and list a few challenges:

Family: brain tumors, lung cancer, marriage crisis, money fears, other health challenges, witness to child molestation,

unsure of career direction, hearing God's call to write but not finding my voice to fulfill call, mother's illness and then becoming her total care-giver in my

home for several years, husband's sudden illness and death, handling the closing of busy medical office suddenly.....CHALLENGES.

In the last few weeks I have been blessed financially, answered prayers for family and friends, great new job, writing opportunities, help remodeling my home, and a sense of rest in God

I've prayed for.

But yesterday I was phoned by my cpa to setup an appointment. I sighed when he called. My greatest fears must have been realized, the IRS wanted more money than I had anticipated. But he wanted the meeting to go over some possible medical group investment that I might be eligible to receive money from since my husband had died.

I should have been elated, but I had no where to place all this. I have been in "make it" mode for so long I had no familiar coping for one favor and blessing after another. A friend phoned me immediately after this call with a need for prayer on some difficult times in her life. Then I felt guilty that she had this hardship and I was being blessed.

I happened to have "Everyone Loves Raymond" on the television. The episode playing showed Raymond winning writer of the year. He was sharing his good news with his family. By the time his dad and mom picked it apart he was deflated and they accused him of bragging. When he got back to his home his wife gave him the bad news that his new position would force him to cover the sled races in Alaska. This was a terrible assignment. Ray smiled and la

ughed. His wife was puzzled. Raymond explained, "For a few minutes I thought I could believe this award and promotion meant I was in a good successful place. This was new for me, but just maybe it was my turn. But now that you tell me this I realize I'm not the one who has things work out for me. I live in a hard place; life is always hard for me."

Sadly, I could identify with Raymond. The fear of disappointment can cancel out the joy in a time of blessing. God is having to help me learn how to receive all of His blessings at one time. I've been climbing up hill with danger all around for many years. I, like Raymond, got accustomed to walking with trouble. The Bible shows this same mindset in the Israelites after God delivered them. I refuse to act like the Israelites who couldn't embrace the unfamiliarity of the Promised Land, because they got too accustomed to desert living.

Yes, I know the "desert," but I am adaptable and I know the giants are big in this new land. But the faithful God in the desert is also faithful in the Promised Land. I don't walk in my own knowing; no, I am surrendered and belong to the Lord Jesus Christ.

Thank You, Lord, for the life You give me. I know You in loss,

pain, and when nothing seems to be working. Lord, I thank You when blessings come my way that can logically seem impossible.

This is the day that You have made and I rejoice in it!!! New terrain, new skills, and thanking You, Lord God, for all things:

• up, down
• cold, hot
• peace, war
• lack, plenty
• solitude, crowded
• full, empty
• heard, ignored
• validated, invisible

"This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." - Psalm 118:24

Watch It Lady, Don't Break in Line

"The end of the line is way back there ...the guy with the orange bill hat is now the end," I sternly informed a poor book laden shopper Saturday. I must have looked like Lucy in the "Peanuts" cartoon. It was as though I assigned myself position as referee of line protocol. A lady in front of me chuckled. That really fired me off.

"It goes back to being a skinny little school girl. I hated line breakers, and I still struggle with this. This is a good test of integrity. If you break in line, you stole someone else's time. You just exposed your integrity," Lucy-like Kay proclaimed.

Holy Spirit has my ear and suddenly Lucy-like Kay was deflated. Thoughts filled my mind of all my integrity showing behaviors that would make a line-breaker give me a lecture. Oh, don't worry, my human flaws are not shockingly immoral and definitely not illegal. But I'm still a work in progress.

Whee...thank God for Heavenly grace and mercy. I took off my black and white referee shirt and ditched the whistle. I didn't even look back at the 40 person deep line to be sure all was well.

My favorite one day super fundraising book sale for literacy was a wisdom packing day. Oh, the books will be great to "chew" on all year. But the hurt little girl Kay from decades ago who must have been pushed back over and over in school lines finally gave up the fight. I may just purchase a collapsing chair so I can stand or sit in line for a long time and never break a sweat. If God needs someone to oversee the integrity of line standers He'll have to enlist someone else. I humbly resign.

I'm so humbled by the "video" He showed me in my mind on Saturday that I am busy cleaning closets and tending to my to do list. I have much to do on ME; I really don't have the energy or time to police anyone else.

Could this be what He meant when He said:

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" Matthew 7:3

Playing Control Games in the Name of Love

Control writing is limiting my control of my life: Ha! Can't you tell from reading posts here at Thrive Christian that I've battled the control traps? I cannot casually write or speak on this subject because of the joy of freedom from this bondage and understanding that the Christian community appears to struggle with getting real on this issue. As I read through the last week's posts I need a break and I never meant to preach on this blog. Yesterday's post reads "preachy."

But enough is enough. A few months from now I will return to this subject because I've heard your passion for interest in this area of relationship wisdom.

Two key words come to my mind as I wind this series down: Love and Action.

LOVE:
Months past I shared that my favorite hymn is "Jesus Loves Me." When I am full of the truth that Jesus loves me; wart's and all, my heart is full and running over with love. God only empowers me when I lay healthy boundaries in relationships with love. St. Paul wrote this truth so well in I Corinthians 13. We can use the best principles in our relationships but if we don't have love that lines up with God, we're wasting our time.

ACTION:
I'm a well practised procrastinator. At the beginning of this year I found a book titled "Taking Action." I dare now to do action even if I may mess up; rather than postponing it. Action is key to everything in my life. I'm a trained speaker: talk can be cheap. In my relationships I am working on "action" in love that syncs with what I hear in prayer.

As I close this I recall some game playing with my late mom toward the end of her life. Mother loved to eat out. No matter how busy life became for me I had lunch or dinner out with Mother in my planner and no one took priority over her. But regretfully I should have played the "Where shall we eat" game with Mother. She would try on outfits for days leading up to our outing. I'd pick her up and the game would begin:

"You choose where we eat this time, Kay. Pick out a place," she would suggest with smiles across her face.

"Mom, every time I pick a place you come up with all your indigestion reasons why my choice cannot work for you. I eat out all the time and this day is for you. I've got an iron-clad stomach and I'll enjoy any place you choose. Where do you want to eat?" I would matter-of-fact plain vanilla bottom line no affect reply.

Mom would sigh with disappointment and say, "Now, that's is not what would happen. Come on tell me where you want to eat today."

Years past I would suggest a place and sure enough she would moan and say, "Oh, honey I can't eat there because their food is so greasy. What do you think about Red Lobster?"

Those times she was giggly with joy. I was so immature I was unhappy for being reeled in again.

Later I refused the game. Now, my mom had persistence down pat. We might go back and forth for 15 minutes before she would realize I wasn't playing. Off to one of her three favorite restaurants we would go but she wasn't' as excited about it.

Today I would do that differently. Yes, this may sound the opposite of this whole week on control, being controlled, passive aggressive deception, being honest, open, transparent and laying clear boundaries....but I loved my mother. Sometimes eighty something retirees deserve a little power brokering as long as the one being played knows what they are laying down. Loving action would lead me today to pick up my mom all dolled up and this is how that conversation would flow....

"Mom, you look fantastic. Is that a new outfit?"

"Oh, this old thing. I've had it for years. Do you think it looks o.k?"

"You amaze me, Mother. You look half your age. Where do you want to eat lunch today?"

"Oh, I picked out our last spot. You pick somewhere today."

"Sullivan's Cafe downtown is a new place. I've heard it's great," I would reply.

"Oh, Marie said they didn't have anything on the menu she could eat. Their air conditioner was too cool on her head. I just don't think I'm up to trying that after her review. What do you think about fish today?" Mom would probably say.

"Oh, fish sounds good to me. Where did you have in mind?" I would eagerly ask her.

"Red Lobster with those cheese biscuits and grilled flounder sounds good to me. But I want you to pick out a place," Mom would gleefully suggest.

"I want to go to Red Lobster. Will that be o.k. with you, Mom?" I would sincerely reply.

"Yes...oh yes, Kay, darling you have come up with a perfect suggestion," Mom would declare.

Regrets...sometimes playing a game of control is a loving action. I'm learning every day; our Heavenly Father surprises me with His mercy and how I can live an abundant life as His merciful daughter.

Got a thought on loving action?

Skin Crawling Term: MY MINISTRY

MY MINISTRY: is a term that causes my skin to crawl, my anger to perk and revulsion to jump in me. I can hear the wise people "nutting up" when they read this. I recall when I was all into MY MINISTRY. God used "Experiencing God" Bible study to set me straight on that term. I learned that anyone called of God is in partnership with Holy God in any ministry that they participate in. The power is God's through His anointing and the only thing you or I offer is availability and surrender.

My church life became loving and harmonious once I got this truth clear in my mind and heart. I perceive that pride and self adulation is 100% of all conflict issues in church life. I'm sure I have such a strong reaction because initially in God's call on my life I was consumed with being the best, excellent, etc. Knowing me, I had a "holy" tag on all that nasty pride; but it was pride in me nonetheless. Now I understand each of us has destiny in God and no one can change that. We can get in the way with attitudes, disobedience, etc., but no one can stop God working in me for His destiny through me.

I started this series with statements of surrender. Control cannot operate in flesh and sinful ways when I am surrendered totally to Holy God.

C. S. Lewis wrote,

"Christ says, 'Give me All. I don't want so much of your time and so much of your money and so much of your work: I want You.

I have not come to torment your natural self, but to kill it.

No half-measures are any good. I don't want to have the whole tree down. I don't want to drill the tooth, or crown it, or stop it, but to have it out.

Hand over the whole natural self, all the desires that you think innocent as well as the ones you think wicked...the whole outfit.

I will give you a new self instead. In fact, I will you Myself; my own will shall become yours."

A Year with C.S. Lewis: Daily Readings from His Classic Works, Edited by Patricia S. Klein (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 2003) 219.

Control......God wants you and me to surrender control. I remember when God brought me to the place where He challenged me to surrender myself totally to Him. I had acknowledged Him as Lord, and He had come into my life and I had given Him certain parts, but I was still in control. Then a crisis came internally in me. Thank God for mighty mentors that wouldn't give in to me fighting dying to self. Finally I came to full surrender to Christ. He holds my controls....hallelujah.

Mike Breaux of Willow Creek, "Jesus was an important part of my life, but He was like one spoke of a wheel. There were other spokes too...my ministry, my career, my marriage, my children, my love of sports. But although He was one of the important spokes, I was the hub. Then during a time when I was on a retreat by myself, He confronted me and said, 'Mike, I don't want to just be a spoke. I want to be the hub. I want to be at the center of everything you are and do. Will you turn your life over to Me in such a way that I'm the hub?'"

Is control an issue for you? Does surrender all make sense as the answer to controlling or being controlled to you?

Control Issues Count Most in Family

There is no pain like the pain one family member can inflict on another family member. I keep studying controlling and being controlled because it matters in staying close and intimate with family members. Church life is family to me also. Probably aside from my mom, my deepest hurts have come through misunderstandings in church. To me this makes good sense. When I read in the New Testament what we the church are in God's eyes the closeness is God' s love and power working through us; yet in this is also our vulnerability with one another.

Two Christian writers have helped me in church life most profoundly:

• Francis Frangipane in his writings on becoming unoffendable.
• R.T. Kendall in Total Forgiveness

In an intimate time of personal worship God summed up all these teachings and freed me from being overly upset with anyone in church . One day I was praying for a true problem I had detected in my church.

As I would list the issues my thoughts would be interrupted with this thought, "Do you know the condition of your body?"

"Well, yes, Lord. I'm overweight, I'm not in good physical condition from lack of exercise, and I need to overhaul my eating habits. How did we move from Your best in church-life to gluttony?" I responded.

Then I went on and on about what I had discerned that didn't line up with scriptures. I felt I was an intercessor praying in line with God because I had no personal issues in the problems I was praying about. Heaven just had to be cheering such a "holy" saint like me! But then...."Kay, do you know the condition of your body?"

"Yes, Lord, I'm overweight, under exercised; what do You want me to see Lord?" I asked most puzzled.

Then this thought came to me, "If you a woman of limited skill can determine the condition of your body why do you think I'm unaware of My Body?"

Whoa.......that set me straight on church life. Church was never man's idea. Church is God's creation. The Bible is clear that Jesus Christ is the Head of the Church; which Paul wrote of as His Body. Once I had that clear in my mind through this revelation I pray more and have answered prayers that are amazing. I pray in a positive manner thanking God that He is working in ways I cannot see and with timing that is perfect. When I share this with pastors most of them break out with a bit of sweat and their breathing speeds up. The ones close to God know they are appointed and anointed by God; not a set of deacons, elders, or money backing power brokers. Nope, church is God's idea and He manages His Body with or in spite of us.

I honor the theocracy of church in God's theocratic kingdom. No where in the Bible is democracy and voting a part of God's manner of operating His Kingdom and His Body/Church. I surrender in love to all in church. I seek God in prayer without gossip when I pick up on something out of line. I can't share the answered prayers because that wouldn't help my local church should some people read this, but trust me, God has answered prayers that line up with His love, mercy and the best interest of His Kingdom here on earth. I honor those in positions of authority and I look to God daily as I fulfill any work in my positions of authority in church.

I apologize for lengthy posts, but I'm so passionate about controlling and relationships. My plan is for 2 more posts on controlling. Again thank you for commenting. I have truly felt "out of control" in writing these posts. As I pray before posting I have changed my plan every day as God has led me to His working in me on control. I love it! May He bless you also.