Can I Handle Blessings?

The last twelve years have been challenging. If you're new to wholehearted Christianity let me interpret that phrase for you: Life Has been Hard!!! There were times I wasn't sure I'd make it, but God showed up at every turn just in time. How bad was it Kay? Well some things are personal but let me take all the air out and list a few challenges:

Family: brain tumors, lung cancer, marriage crisis, money fears, other health challenges, witness to child molestation,

unsure of career direction, hearing God's call to write but not finding my voice to fulfill call, mother's illness and then becoming her total care-giver in my

home for several years, husband's sudden illness and death, handling the closing of busy medical office suddenly.....CHALLENGES.

In the last few weeks I have been blessed financially, answered prayers for family and friends, great new job, writing opportunities, help remodeling my home, and a sense of rest in God

I've prayed for.

But yesterday I was phoned by my cpa to setup an appointment. I sighed when he called. My greatest fears must have been realized, the IRS wanted more money than I had anticipated. But he wanted the meeting to go over some possible medical group investment that I might be eligible to receive money from since my husband had died.

I should have been elated, but I had no where to place all this. I have been in "make it" mode for so long I had no familiar coping for one favor and blessing after another. A friend phoned me immediately after this call with a need for prayer on some difficult times in her life. Then I felt guilty that she had this hardship and I was being blessed.

I happened to have "Everyone Loves Raymond" on the television. The episode playing showed Raymond winning writer of the year. He was sharing his good news with his family. By the time his dad and mom picked it apart he was deflated and they accused him of bragging. When he got back to his home his wife gave him the bad news that his new position would force him to cover the sled races in Alaska. This was a terrible assignment. Ray smiled and la

ughed. His wife was puzzled. Raymond explained, "For a few minutes I thought I could believe this award and promotion meant I was in a good successful place. This was new for me, but just maybe it was my turn. But now that you tell me this I realize I'm not the one who has things work out for me. I live in a hard place; life is always hard for me."

Sadly, I could identify with Raymond. The fear of disappointment can cancel out the joy in a time of blessing. God is having to help me learn how to receive all of His blessings at one time. I've been climbing up hill with danger all around for many years. I, like Raymond, got accustomed to walking with trouble. The Bible shows this same mindset in the Israelites after God delivered them. I refuse to act like the Israelites who couldn't embrace the unfamiliarity of the Promised Land, because they got too accustomed to desert living.

Yes, I know the "desert," but I am adaptable and I know the giants are big in this new land. But the faithful God in the desert is also faithful in the Promised Land. I don't walk in my own knowing; no, I am surrendered and belong to the Lord Jesus Christ.

Thank You, Lord, for the life You give me. I know You in loss,

pain, and when nothing seems to be working. Lord, I thank You when blessings come my way that can logically seem impossible.

This is the day that You have made and I rejoice in it!!! New terrain, new skills, and thanking You, Lord God, for all things:

• up, down
• cold, hot
• peace, war
• lack, plenty
• solitude, crowded
• full, empty
• heard, ignored
• validated, invisible

"This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." - Psalm 118:24

Watch It Lady, Don't Break in Line

"The end of the line is way back there ...the guy with the orange bill hat is now the end," I sternly informed a poor book laden shopper Saturday. I must have looked like Lucy in the "Peanuts" cartoon. It was as though I assigned myself position as referee of line protocol. A lady in front of me chuckled. That really fired me off.

"It goes back to being a skinny little school girl. I hated line breakers, and I still struggle with this. This is a good test of integrity. If you break in line, you stole someone else's time. You just exposed your integrity," Lucy-like Kay proclaimed.

Holy Spirit has my ear and suddenly Lucy-like Kay was deflated. Thoughts filled my mind of all my integrity showing behaviors that would make a line-breaker give me a lecture. Oh, don't worry, my human flaws are not shockingly immoral and definitely not illegal. But I'm still a work in progress.

Whee...thank God for Heavenly grace and mercy. I took off my black and white referee shirt and ditched the whistle. I didn't even look back at the 40 person deep line to be sure all was well.

My favorite one day super fundraising book sale for literacy was a wisdom packing day. Oh, the books will be great to "chew" on all year. But the hurt little girl Kay from decades ago who must have been pushed back over and over in school lines finally gave up the fight. I may just purchase a collapsing chair so I can stand or sit in line for a long time and never break a sweat. If God needs someone to oversee the integrity of line standers He'll have to enlist someone else. I humbly resign.

I'm so humbled by the "video" He showed me in my mind on Saturday that I am busy cleaning closets and tending to my to do list. I have much to do on ME; I really don't have the energy or time to police anyone else.

Could this be what He meant when He said:

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" Matthew 7:3

Playing Control Games in the Name of Love

Control writing is limiting my control of my life: Ha! Can't you tell from reading posts here at Thrive Christian that I've battled the control traps? I cannot casually write or speak on this subject because of the joy of freedom from this bondage and understanding that the Christian community appears to struggle with getting real on this issue. As I read through the last week's posts I need a break and I never meant to preach on this blog. Yesterday's post reads "preachy."

But enough is enough. A few months from now I will return to this subject because I've heard your passion for interest in this area of relationship wisdom.

Two key words come to my mind as I wind this series down: Love and Action.

LOVE:
Months past I shared that my favorite hymn is "Jesus Loves Me." When I am full of the truth that Jesus loves me; wart's and all, my heart is full and running over with love. God only empowers me when I lay healthy boundaries in relationships with love. St. Paul wrote this truth so well in I Corinthians 13. We can use the best principles in our relationships but if we don't have love that lines up with God, we're wasting our time.

ACTION:
I'm a well practised procrastinator. At the beginning of this year I found a book titled "Taking Action." I dare now to do action even if I may mess up; rather than postponing it. Action is key to everything in my life. I'm a trained speaker: talk can be cheap. In my relationships I am working on "action" in love that syncs with what I hear in prayer.

As I close this I recall some game playing with my late mom toward the end of her life. Mother loved to eat out. No matter how busy life became for me I had lunch or dinner out with Mother in my planner and no one took priority over her. But regretfully I should have played the "Where shall we eat" game with Mother. She would try on outfits for days leading up to our outing. I'd pick her up and the game would begin:

"You choose where we eat this time, Kay. Pick out a place," she would suggest with smiles across her face.

"Mom, every time I pick a place you come up with all your indigestion reasons why my choice cannot work for you. I eat out all the time and this day is for you. I've got an iron-clad stomach and I'll enjoy any place you choose. Where do you want to eat?" I would matter-of-fact plain vanilla bottom line no affect reply.

Mom would sigh with disappointment and say, "Now, that's is not what would happen. Come on tell me where you want to eat today."

Years past I would suggest a place and sure enough she would moan and say, "Oh, honey I can't eat there because their food is so greasy. What do you think about Red Lobster?"

Those times she was giggly with joy. I was so immature I was unhappy for being reeled in again.

Later I refused the game. Now, my mom had persistence down pat. We might go back and forth for 15 minutes before she would realize I wasn't playing. Off to one of her three favorite restaurants we would go but she wasn't' as excited about it.

Today I would do that differently. Yes, this may sound the opposite of this whole week on control, being controlled, passive aggressive deception, being honest, open, transparent and laying clear boundaries....but I loved my mother. Sometimes eighty something retirees deserve a little power brokering as long as the one being played knows what they are laying down. Loving action would lead me today to pick up my mom all dolled up and this is how that conversation would flow....

"Mom, you look fantastic. Is that a new outfit?"

"Oh, this old thing. I've had it for years. Do you think it looks o.k?"

"You amaze me, Mother. You look half your age. Where do you want to eat lunch today?"

"Oh, I picked out our last spot. You pick somewhere today."

"Sullivan's Cafe downtown is a new place. I've heard it's great," I would reply.

"Oh, Marie said they didn't have anything on the menu she could eat. Their air conditioner was too cool on her head. I just don't think I'm up to trying that after her review. What do you think about fish today?" Mom would probably say.

"Oh, fish sounds good to me. Where did you have in mind?" I would eagerly ask her.

"Red Lobster with those cheese biscuits and grilled flounder sounds good to me. But I want you to pick out a place," Mom would gleefully suggest.

"I want to go to Red Lobster. Will that be o.k. with you, Mom?" I would sincerely reply.

"Yes...oh yes, Kay, darling you have come up with a perfect suggestion," Mom would declare.

Regrets...sometimes playing a game of control is a loving action. I'm learning every day; our Heavenly Father surprises me with His mercy and how I can live an abundant life as His merciful daughter.

Got a thought on loving action?

Skin Crawling Term: MY MINISTRY

MY MINISTRY: is a term that causes my skin to crawl, my anger to perk and revulsion to jump in me. I can hear the wise people "nutting up" when they read this. I recall when I was all into MY MINISTRY. God used "Experiencing God" Bible study to set me straight on that term. I learned that anyone called of God is in partnership with Holy God in any ministry that they participate in. The power is God's through His anointing and the only thing you or I offer is availability and surrender.

My church life became loving and harmonious once I got this truth clear in my mind and heart. I perceive that pride and self adulation is 100% of all conflict issues in church life. I'm sure I have such a strong reaction because initially in God's call on my life I was consumed with being the best, excellent, etc. Knowing me, I had a "holy" tag on all that nasty pride; but it was pride in me nonetheless. Now I understand each of us has destiny in God and no one can change that. We can get in the way with attitudes, disobedience, etc., but no one can stop God working in me for His destiny through me.

I started this series with statements of surrender. Control cannot operate in flesh and sinful ways when I am surrendered totally to Holy God.

C. S. Lewis wrote,

"Christ says, 'Give me All. I don't want so much of your time and so much of your money and so much of your work: I want You.

I have not come to torment your natural self, but to kill it.

No half-measures are any good. I don't want to have the whole tree down. I don't want to drill the tooth, or crown it, or stop it, but to have it out.

Hand over the whole natural self, all the desires that you think innocent as well as the ones you think wicked...the whole outfit.

I will give you a new self instead. In fact, I will you Myself; my own will shall become yours."

A Year with C.S. Lewis: Daily Readings from His Classic Works, Edited by Patricia S. Klein (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 2003) 219.

Control......God wants you and me to surrender control. I remember when God brought me to the place where He challenged me to surrender myself totally to Him. I had acknowledged Him as Lord, and He had come into my life and I had given Him certain parts, but I was still in control. Then a crisis came internally in me. Thank God for mighty mentors that wouldn't give in to me fighting dying to self. Finally I came to full surrender to Christ. He holds my controls....hallelujah.

Mike Breaux of Willow Creek, "Jesus was an important part of my life, but He was like one spoke of a wheel. There were other spokes too...my ministry, my career, my marriage, my children, my love of sports. But although He was one of the important spokes, I was the hub. Then during a time when I was on a retreat by myself, He confronted me and said, 'Mike, I don't want to just be a spoke. I want to be the hub. I want to be at the center of everything you are and do. Will you turn your life over to Me in such a way that I'm the hub?'"

Is control an issue for you? Does surrender all make sense as the answer to controlling or being controlled to you?

Control Issues Count Most in Family

There is no pain like the pain one family member can inflict on another family member. I keep studying controlling and being controlled because it matters in staying close and intimate with family members. Church life is family to me also. Probably aside from my mom, my deepest hurts have come through misunderstandings in church. To me this makes good sense. When I read in the New Testament what we the church are in God's eyes the closeness is God' s love and power working through us; yet in this is also our vulnerability with one another.

Two Christian writers have helped me in church life most profoundly:

• Francis Frangipane in his writings on becoming unoffendable.
• R.T. Kendall in Total Forgiveness

In an intimate time of personal worship God summed up all these teachings and freed me from being overly upset with anyone in church . One day I was praying for a true problem I had detected in my church.

As I would list the issues my thoughts would be interrupted with this thought, "Do you know the condition of your body?"

"Well, yes, Lord. I'm overweight, I'm not in good physical condition from lack of exercise, and I need to overhaul my eating habits. How did we move from Your best in church-life to gluttony?" I responded.

Then I went on and on about what I had discerned that didn't line up with scriptures. I felt I was an intercessor praying in line with God because I had no personal issues in the problems I was praying about. Heaven just had to be cheering such a "holy" saint like me! But then...."Kay, do you know the condition of your body?"

"Yes, Lord, I'm overweight, under exercised; what do You want me to see Lord?" I asked most puzzled.

Then this thought came to me, "If you a woman of limited skill can determine the condition of your body why do you think I'm unaware of My Body?"

Whoa.......that set me straight on church life. Church was never man's idea. Church is God's creation. The Bible is clear that Jesus Christ is the Head of the Church; which Paul wrote of as His Body. Once I had that clear in my mind through this revelation I pray more and have answered prayers that are amazing. I pray in a positive manner thanking God that He is working in ways I cannot see and with timing that is perfect. When I share this with pastors most of them break out with a bit of sweat and their breathing speeds up. The ones close to God know they are appointed and anointed by God; not a set of deacons, elders, or money backing power brokers. Nope, church is God's idea and He manages His Body with or in spite of us.

I honor the theocracy of church in God's theocratic kingdom. No where in the Bible is democracy and voting a part of God's manner of operating His Kingdom and His Body/Church. I surrender in love to all in church. I seek God in prayer without gossip when I pick up on something out of line. I can't share the answered prayers because that wouldn't help my local church should some people read this, but trust me, God has answered prayers that line up with His love, mercy and the best interest of His Kingdom here on earth. I honor those in positions of authority and I look to God daily as I fulfill any work in my positions of authority in church.

I apologize for lengthy posts, but I'm so passionate about controlling and relationships. My plan is for 2 more posts on controlling. Again thank you for commenting. I have truly felt "out of control" in writing these posts. As I pray before posting I have changed my plan every day as God has led me to His working in me on control. I love it! May He bless you also.

Doubt God? Take Control Begins

Controlling or being controlled is directly connected to lack of faith of God directly working in my life.

I ask myself often, "Am I trying to control this situation or this person?" I know the need to be in control is present in all folks in many different methods. For over 20 years I have worked with mentors, quiet time with the Lord to overcome my controlling and being controlled coping methods. Freedom in Christ is the only way to live!!!

Here are a few danger signs I've learned:

* Need to know all answers up front; and cannot wait patiently to how events evolve or what other people have planned in their lives.

* Lack trust in other people's competency or the power of God to care of details in life.

* Constant questioning, badgering and second-guessing of others' decisions.

* Believing no one can have a plan as good or better than my plan.

*Feeling I have the right to tell others what they need to do.

* Easily becoming irritable, frustrated or angry when others don't do what I wanted.

Now that I know God is intimately involved in my life I don't fall into these traps. I believe the basis of the problem for most controlling people is really the lack of trust in God. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

The Bible shows us over and over God is trustworthy!!!

Philippians 4:6-7 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Of course God is the One Who is in control anyway. Matthew 6:27 states,

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

A controlling person begins to relinquish control when they surrender their concerns to the Lord. 1 Peter 5:7 challenges people to "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

What do you say about control issues being directly related to trust or the lack of trust in God?

Control: It's Not Personal, But It Feels Personal

Relationships gummed up with controlling issues are complicated. As I write this series I recall all the pain I came through as God freed me from these coping means. As I've mentioned in earlier posts I was born in a home struggling with addiction issues and mental illness. The scientist would label my

upbringing as dysfunctional.

My mom handled her tough issues with passive aggressive behaviours. As I studied this for today I was hit up the side of the head with my own passive aggression. I was a bit surprised. Truth is that we all have some of these behaviors and in moderation this can be a cultural nicety. But I hope we can see the serious control factors that these behaviors hold that can prevent us from the free life Jesus Christ has secured for us.

According to MedlinePlus Medical Encyclopedia -

“Passive-aggressive personality disorder is a chronic condition in which a person seems to passively comply with the desires and needs of others, but actually passively resists them, in the process becoming increasingly hostile and angry."

According to Wikipedia-

It can manifest itself as learned helplessness, procrastination, stubbornness, resentment, sullenness, or deliberate/repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is, often explicitly, responsible. It is a defense mechanism and more often than not, only partly conscious. For example, people who are passive-aggressive might take so long to get ready for a party they do not wish to attend, that the party is nearly over by the time they arrive.

Passive Aggressive controllers could say or think the following:

• When I am frustrated I become silent, knowing it bothers other people.
• I am prone to sulk or pout.
• When I don't want to do a project I will procrastinate. I can be lazy.
• I do things in my own timing and if I am too slow or if I do things in a different manner, then others are just going to have to adjust to my way.
• If they don't like it, that's too bad.There are times when I am deliberately evasive so others won't bother me.
• I sometimes approach work projects half-heartedly.
• When someone talks to me about our problems, I'll say what they want to hear then do what I want to do.I complain about people behind their backs, but resist the opportunity to be open with them face to face.
• Sometimes I become involved in hidden misbehaviors.
• I may not follow through on the favors people want me to do as a way of letting them know I didn't want to do them in the first place.

Passive aggression is usually caused by a need to have control with the least amount of accountability. This form of anger is different from suppressed anger because the person is deliberately doing something knowing it will agitate the other person involved. Also, when people use this form of anger, it represents a fear based manner of handling conflicts.

Healthy relationships welcome openness, but passive-aggressives fear

that openness will be accompanied by too high of an emotional price.

(This came from http://www.drlescarter.com/angerpassive.asp

Dr. Les Carter, author, of The Anger Trap)

What Is the Behavior of a Passive-Aggressive Person?

Here are some of the obvious ways in which a person expresses anger or aggression passively.

• Lateness and Forgetfulness: One of the traits of passive-aggressive behavior most difficult to tolerate is the person’s tendency to be late for appointments or other scheduled events. Being late may reflect both the person’s need to have the control in a situation and underlying feelings of inadequacy. And there is always an excuse...like, “I forgot what time it was”...when the person wants to explain away his or her actions or avoid an obligation.

• Procrastination: The passive-aggressive person will commit to a project or deadline...and simply never get it done or else complete the task much too late. Other people who depend on the work being done, meanwhile, become infuriated.

• Sending Mixed Messages: The person seldom communicates clearly and unambiguously, so that he or she can’t be pinned down. For example, “Maybe we can go out for dinner Friday night,” could be a plan or maybe just a suggestion or perhaps it’s just a way to keep you guessing. If you make a definite plan to go out, then the person can come back and say that he or she was just thinking out loud, and if you don’t make plans, then you are blamed for never coming through.

• Pouting, Sulking and Lying: When the passive-aggressive person fails to keep promises and is confronted, a common response is to sigh, to withdraw from interacting, and to act as if they are being blamed unfairly. If they must give a response, there is often a fabrication of reality involved...and it is masterfully done. Open, constructive communication is virtually impossible when the other person is emotionally unavailable or deliberately distorting reality.

• Feeling Victimized: When you finally put your foot down and expect a firm commitment, then you are the one to blame for trying to be controlling and demanding. The passive-aggressive person acts as if he or she is the helpless victim.

No one lacks value. Each of us is unique and precious.

Showing up, being present, being on time says, "I am worth your time, and you are worth mine." Jesus Christ spent His pain, His

life, His blood to prove worth and value to each of us. There can be no question that each person believing in Him is of incredible value.

Today may we all be mindful of our time and pray for God to show us how to be responsible in using our time. May we please the Lord with our time. Human control needs: hands off. Our time is in His hands!!!